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The class filed into the locker room and began shedding their clothes like confetti. Imagine the lifelong trauma of getting a public boner in PE class? I was the kind of wussy ninth grader that hated even showering after gym class. He went on to explain that because our swimsuits would freeze in the Michigan winter if we took them home, or that they would mildew if we just left them in our lockers, it would be easier if we all just swam completely naked. I would literally be living out the "being at school naked" nightmare many of you have experienced.

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I spent the rest of our naked swimming unit staying the hell out of everyone's way.

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One day, my daughter told me she was too afraid to stand up in front of her class to give a presentation. I don't remember my PE teacher very much. My date with naked swimming crept closer. They had fully bushed wangs and I was barely out of the peach fuzz stage. I said "parted down the middle and feathered back! In our PE class it was called Murderball. No eye contact is made and even our wives don't believe our tale.

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